jess.

after twelve years of sweet companionship, jessie passed away tonight. it seems rather surreal that she is gone to be honest with you.

i remember the first time mum said that she would consider getting a dog. for my whole life up until that point in time, my dream was to have a dog. i would walk the neighbours dogs, and clean up after them, just to show my mum that i was a capable dog owner. so when we were finally able to have a dog of our own, i was the happiest girl around town.

being from a family of four children, with a little new puppy, alone time with her was rare. so i would get up at the crack of dawn to go out and play in the garden. she was my girl!

jess and i would go on little walking adventures together to the local reservoir, or up to the elementary school. she was the worst dog to walk on a leash, so we had to go the same route each time so that she wouldn't bolt---which sometimes she would do if she had the chance...but if we stuck to our regular route, she was a star!

jessie used to be my little sleeping buddy, until i moved to the attic...she didn't always like to have to wait at the top of the attic steps to go downstairs, so she stopped 'requesting' to come up with me at night time.

since starting up at uni, jess became my study buddy. i would come home in the middle of the day, to a quiet home, and i would set up camp in the middle of a couch, pull the footstool up for jessie, and we would sit in the afternoon sun; me reading, and jessie just enjoying the sunshine.

i never ever realized how difficult it would be to loose a dog. ok, maybe i needed to realize how sad i was when we had to flush our first batch of fish down the toilet...to put it into perspective for myself... but tonight has been one of the hardest in a while.

jess only really started to show symptoms of being sick just before Christmas. so today, when mum took her to the vet, and was told that today would be her last--it came as a shock to all of us. i rushed home before my evening class to have one final snuggle with the jessie girl in front of the fire place and said goodbye. it was such a hard thing to do. surreal.

jessie was my girl! i am going to miss that little grey ball of fir. i'm sure when people come in tomorrow night for one pot tuesday and there is no high-pitched bark welcoming people to the door, it will hit a whole other level of reality for me. but right now, as i am sitting a little teary eyed in bed, i am missing my little snuggle companion.

sometimes days like today just stink.