thoughts and twinkle lights

Good evening. Tonight I was just thinking a lot about....well, everything really and I felt like I needed a good writing time. You know, sort of like a good pen on paper moment, but I honestly couldn't be bothered to go pick up a pen or paper. SO sitting and just moving my fingers is sufficient for me for the time being...yes you're probably thinking 'lazy bones!' but I probably can agree with you there. Lazy bones it is.

Lately, or since I have come home from my home across the sea, I have been thinking a lot. A lot a lot. Honestly about a lot of things. I have been wondering heart-out what I should be doing right NOW with my life...you know? ever get that? Ever since a few days after I returned home, I've been working at Pier 1 (which I think I mentioned before in my Christmas story). Working at Pier 1 is great! Don't get me wrong...but there are some things about it, which just make me think, what the heck am I doing? How is this job helping anyone at the moment? Other than filling people's homes with...rubbish (am I aloud to say that?) Now, please understand. I love working where I do, I love my co-workers....I love getting to be creative and wander around the store...getting to be a wee bit O.C.D about things...I love to play 'house'. But where will it take me? Who is this honestly helping?


I suppose I am used to in a way 'having a purpose' for doing things. I love to know that what I'm doing is somehow going to affect people some how...no no I'm not one of those people who say their dreams are for 'world peace' like in 'miss congeniality' but I do like to know that what I am doing is going to benefit more than just myself. Am I making sense? Or are my words just repetitive?

Being back at Pier 1, I have been working quite a bit....almost every day since I've come back. And its been really nice, But I think I'm ready for a routine...or atleast a wee bit of one. As of today, I have taken on another job (now don't panic please listen to how it will play out). I will be looking after a little boy who is 8 months old on Tuesdays and Fridays of each week... and then working only a few other days of the week, only certain times. SO my time will be used hopfully in beneficial ways. I think that this may be the thing that will make me feel like I am being useful for the time being....I will have another family and another life to be a part of, and smother with love! It excites me! It has been over a month since I have been able to really spend quality time with children, and my heart aches for it! I miss my two little english dreams back at Tullecombe! I miss having snot, and food and dirt all over me...so I feel in a way, that God has opened a door, to ease my heart back into loving little hearts...mini blue eyes and be useful with my time....not just tidying up a shop.

My heart aches in ways to be in action and loving people....Maybe just the hustle and bustle of the holiday season in a retail shop has in a way robbed me of that quality time with people. But it is my intention from now on (starting when I wake up tomorrow) to be set apart, renewed and fresh ready to love, and give my time to those around me who I would love to love. Maybe this new 'set up' of my time is what I've been needing and craving, and wondering about for the past month and a bit.

Maybe, just maybe in the twirling winds and the dancing snow outside, a new turn of events for the life of alli has begun. (for the time being). My life is being shared with new open hearts yet again, time is being given to those who have pieces of my heart already in theirs....and a new wind is about to blow. I hope, and pray that this will be the peace which I have been searching and waiting for.

scattered and tossed, but content...alli.