tongue tied and twisted

Good evening.
Tonight, I feel like writing. At the moment my mind is a whirl wind of thoughts and sleep feels as if it is a million miles away from possible. My head needs to unwind...process...and figure its self out through writing my words down on this blog.

As you probably have noticed recently I haven't been blogging much...actually I have been trying to spend the least amount of time on the computer as possible. Which in some ways, probably has been really good for me--but in other ways it means that communication with people whom I love across the globe aren't getting the love and attention they require, and saying that I am sorry!

Since returning home from my United Kingdom adventure this autumn I have found it difficult trying to find an even ground where my relationships are all leveled out and getting equal attention and care poured into them. I have found myself easily falling into spending time with the same people over and over again. (which I love and cherish each moment with them) But that makes it difficult for the ones I haven't poured my time into.

Sometimes its easier to just spend time with people who you don't have to explain the run of thoughts going through your mind, or the laughter, or the frustrations or the quietness within. Sometimes not having to explain....is freeing. So avoiding or dodging questions is the 'easier way out'...not the kind way...but the safe way out.

At times, the emails pile up, and the letters go unanswered...I know that I need to answer them, but it is easier not. Sigh, does that make sense to anyone else--or is it just me...?

I wish so many times that I could either snap my fingers and be wherever I want to be, to hold and hug and talk to and love people across the globe, OR find a money tree to fly to whomever I feel like visiting at that time--for a tea, or a walk and a grand ol' talk. ---when writing that, I realize that I need to be better at holding up my end of the friendship deal. I need to get out of this little bubble I have blown around me, and write and talk and communicate with the people I miss and love around me.

It is a two way street. And I need to open my eyes and read the street signs. I need to open my eyes, roll down my window to feel the breeze and let it bring me back to reality...bring me back to the real world of real people and words to be shared.

a feather which has been tied down....tongue tied and twisted to the ground....
a.